August 15, 2009

I don’t update this page often but today I received something from Patricia Evans that I wanted to post here:

As the book “The Verbally Abusive Man Can He Change” explains, the verbally abusive man often has an ‘inside’ self and an ‘outside’ self. He shows one self to the world. This is the persona, or image, that he made up from the outside in. It is his outside self. His ‘inside’ self is the one that appears when the world is shut out. Then it is just him and him in you, so to speak. As if there is only one mind, his, in the room and so of course he knows what you are, what you are ‘trying to do’ and even how sensitive you are.


December 12, 2008
I recently received information from Patricia Evans and when I read this I knew I had to share this with everyone that may come across this site. Have you ever worked for a very controlling person and been in an almost unexplainable situation that was so out of the norm that you couldn’t explain what you knew in your heart was wrong? Maybe you found yourself in a situation with this controlling person whereby they tired to get you to compromize your integrity but you would not budge from what you knew was just and morally correct. As a result you became a “sacrificial lamb” and lost your job. Well when I read this by Patricia Evans I knew it would answer questions for people that have been in this situation. It also applies to relationships. Here is Patricia Evans words: “People who try to control people may, like dictators, rid themselves of those who tell the truth. Throughout history, truth tellers, often referred to as the intellligencia, have been imprisoned or assassinated en masse by dictators-silenced because they speak the truth. Controllers denigrate, defame, and mischaracterize truth tellers. There has been a long history of controllers trying to get rid of truth tellers because they want to maintain control.” Wow! That says it all. Stand proud if you have lost your job or a relationship becuase you are a truth teller. Your rewards in the long run will be great.

How is your day going? Don’t let someone steal your joy. Know that God is by your side all the time, even when the trials seem unbearable. I read something today that I must pass on.  A revelation by Joyce Meyer regarding strife. Matthew 10:11-15, “Now whatever city or town you enter, inquire who in it is worthy, and stay there till you go out. And when you go into a household, greet it.  If the household is worthy, let your peace come upon it.  But if it is not worthy, let your peace return to you. And whoever will not receive you nor hear your words, when you depart from that house or city, shake off the dust from your feet.  Assuredly, I say to you, it will be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah in the day of judgment than for that city!” What Joyce Meyer stated in her book New Day, New You is that she wondered why Jesus said that. What was revealed to Joyce Meyer is if the disciples remained in a house or city that was in strife, they could not do any real work there. Because strife grieves the Holy Spirit. When peace leaves, the Holy Spirit leaves, and He is the one who does the real work.  If you find yourself unable to function properly, the strife being inflicted upon you is stealing your spirit. Just as I stated in my home page about the aftermath once you leave, rebuilding your spirit. Your life will be much better without the abuse. Fill your heart with God’s love and He will bring you through this trail and make you a stronger person as a result. You will become so empowered that you will know that no one will every again steal your joy and most of all your spirit.  Know that better days are ahead but you must make the move to take yourself away from the abuse.  Ask God to help you and He will.

 January 11, 2008
There are times that God is trying to show you that the relationship you are in needs to end. God does not want anyone to live in oppression. The verbal abusive relationship you are in is not healthy. Don’t try to fix it. Only the abuser can better the situation by realizing their behavior, and that will not happen without professional help. If your abuser is willing to admit they need help then they need to move out of the home and get the help. Staying together will not benefit you. Stay strong, don’t let the abuser, if they move out, try to win you back with kind gestures. It won’t last for long. You can be filled with God’s love for that person but God doesn’t mean for you to be with that person. Think about this, if you are a Godly person, how much of your time is taken up thinking and talking about the oppression you are living. That time is being stolen from God. That time is better spent thinking and praising God. Filling yourself with God’s love. You fill yourself with His love and the pain of the separation from your abuser will be a piece of cake! Stop trying to fix something you can’t fix. You stay strong in your integrity and God will bring you through to a better place. He has me.

January 19, 2008
7 signs you’re in a verbally abusive relationship. These are from Patricia Evan’s book: Verbal Abuse, How to Save Yourself.

1. He seems irritated or angry with you several times a week. When you ask why he’s mad, he either denies it or tells you it’s in some way your fault.
2.When you feel hurt and try to talk to him, the issues never get resolved.  He might refuse to discuss your upset feelings by saying “You’re just trying to start an argument!” or claiming he has no idea what you’re talking about.
3.You frequently feel frustrated because you can’t get him to understand your intentions.
4.You’re upset-not so much about concrete issues like how much time to spend together, but about communication: what he thinks you said and what you heard him say.
5.You sometimes think, “What’s wrong with me? I shouldn’t feel so bad.”
6.He seems to take the opposite view from you on almost everything, and his opinion isn’t stated as “I think” but as if you’re wrong and he’s right.
7.You can’t recall saying “Cut it out!” or “Stop it!”

 January 27, 2008
I want to pass on to you God’s words about verbal abuse.  Proverbs 23:9  Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the wisdom of your words.  Have you tried to reason with your verbal abuser and gotten no where. That is because the abuser despises the wisdom of your words. Your abuser will not hear you or admit that you are correct in your observation of what is taking place.  Your abuser lives in denial about their behavior. You CANNOT fix your abuser. They have to find help. Finding help means stating and admitting they have a problem with how they treat the person closest to them. And unless that happens, nothing will change. Proverbs 13:10 By pride comes nothing but strife, but with the well-advised is wisdom. Proverbs 14:14 The backslider in heart will be filled with his own ways, but a good man will be satisfied from above. Proverbs 17:1 to paraphrase- a house full of sacrifices with strife is not pleasing to the Lord. In Joyce Meyer’s book, New Day New You,  she states regarding Proverbs 17:1 ”that God is not pleased unless we stay in peace. Pursuing peace means making an effort. But we cannot maintain peace simply by our own fleshly effort. We need God’s help and we need grace, which is His power assisting us and enabling us to do what needs to be done”.  Do you feel peace or strife in your home? Is the abuser trying to keep the peace or moving along in anger more than compassion and love? Is the abuser in your home concentrating their efforts for human compassion inside or outside of your home? Is your abuser spending a lot of time outside of your home with a person of the oppostie sex and trying to hide that relationship from you?  Do you feel love or used, taken advantage of? Love is action, what type of action is your abuser showing you, actions that show love? Don’t let that abuser convince you that it is your fault.  IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!  The abuser cannot and will not take responsibility for their actions. You are walking on a road that will stay full of strife. Your abuser will not take the steps to search for God’s power to enable them for what needs to be done. But you can use God’s power for eliminating the strife from your life. Let the person go. Then lean to God for everything. He will bring you peace. Don’t let the absence of the abuser make you sad. Rejoice that God has removed the strife from your home and know that God will bless you and bring you through this to a better place. It will take time but pray everyday for God’s guidance and listen for what God wants for you, not what your abuser may try to talk you into, or better yet, manipulate you into taking the avenue they want you to take, not the avenue God wants for you.