I realized that I had been a victim of abuse for a long time. I would have to say that for me, it stems from my upbringing because my mother and father were both physically, mentally and verbally abusive towards me. As a result, w/no counseling involved, I seemed to attract people that constantly would denigrate my character. I could never stand up for myself because I was either afraid, intimidated and or I had perceived myself as weak for not being able to handle a little criticism. At least this the lie that satan used abusive people to instill into me.
There finally came a time where my body couldnt adhere to it any longer and thank God God knew me and was able to bring me to reality and He helped me see the type of self defeating behaviours that I had learnt to suppress the shame, hurt and rejection. One scripture that has been circling my season is ” my people perish due to lack of knowledge”. I was that person that was perishing because of my ignorance. God had removed a veil that I had wore for so long.

One thing I have to add is ungodly soul ties keep victims attached to their abusers and that’s often why you can’t shake it off by just simply ignoring a mean person. And one way to get rid of the ungodly spiritual connection is to disconnect from that person completely. This means to remove all objects that belong to that person and pray God to remove all demonic forces that maybe tormenting you as a result of that ungodly soul tie. Ungodly soul ties form in sin and they serve as legal entry to allow corruptive affairs to continue.That revelation changed my life and reading things like this only reinforces the truth and keeps me on guard. It now makes sense why the bible says GUARD YOUR HEARTS cuz there’s some weird people out there.

thank u again for this post:) God bless

I am 21 and still living at home because I feel like I wouldn’t be able to make it on my own. My little sister is 15; going through puberty is tough enough without the kind of anger circulating in our house. I feel like I am also staying for her, because I feel without me she would have no one to cry to. My mother is emotionally distant from us, and everything. She is overweight, has problems sleeping and won’t do anything about it. I can tell she is lonely, scared and emotionally worn out. She blames herself for all the problems my family has.

“All the problems” being this: neither myself nor my sister have ever gotten drunk, knocked up, or abused drugs. We’ve always been good kids. We have our stubborn streaks like all young people do, but we care about our family and do what we think will please our parents (mostly our dad), even at the cost of our own pleasure. I have no social life. I rarely go out and do things with friends. The only problem my family has is the anger. The outbursts from my dad; the guilt trips, the paranoid delusions that make me cringe every night at the dinner table. He’ll take one thing and blow it entirely out of proportion.
To mom:
“You forgot to put salsa on the table. Now I can’t enjoy my tacos, because I have cold salsa! Why can’t you remember anything!? You’d forget your own name if I didn’t tell you!”
-That sort of thing is a nightly occurrence. My sister and I consider ourselves lucky if that’s all that happens. We love our dad, but celebrate in spite of ourselves if we find out he won’t be home that evening. “We can play video games without him nagging us about how useless it is! We can watch TV without him critiquing every scene, every line! We can talk and laugh without being yelled at that we’re being too loud, or talking too fast!”

Becky and I are mostly unhappy because of the way he treats mom. He has a way of turning everything around on her. He delegates tasks to her, and when they don’t get done, he throws a fit. (They both work full time.) He blames his stress and anger on work, and on a wife who “hasn’t been a partner or friend for many years.”

He’s emotional. He always says “I get it,” or “you don’t understand.” He’s needy. And sometimes mom doesn’t fulfill that need. I can relate. Sometimes I’m frustrated by my mom’s actions. Sometimes we fight. But no matter what she’s “done to him” doesn’t excuse his out-of-control behavior all the time. He’s been known to break things in anger. He always keeps himself in check and doesn’t hit us (I remember he almost hit mom once, but stopped himself).

He has to be in control of everything. The remote, making dinner. Everything has to go his way. He thinks he deserves to be in charge. He deserves to get his way. If we try to correct him, even in the most inane conversation, he takes it as a personal attack.

I don’t think my dad intentionally controls me, at least very much, anymore. Now that I’m 21, I think he realizes that I deserve a certain degree of freedom, but he still makes me call every time I leave a location. He honestly thinks that me doing this makes me safer. That if I was attacked, he would hear it, know where I was last, and come rescue me. I don’t think it’s an excuse; I think he truly believes it.

There are other factors too complicated to fully describe here. He has problems with his mother and brother, involving perceived favoritism (which is sometimes true, as I have personally witnessed). But still, the horrible things he says and does can’t just be excused away. Any attempt to talk with him results in him perceiving an attack, defending himself, and then launching on the world.

He almost always apologizes. Because I love him, I forgive him. For the most part he is a good dad – he provides for us, and we’ve never wanted for anything. We have a boat, a trailer, snowmobiles and several cars. We go on family trips all the time. All. The. Time. If Becky and I want to stay home a few weekends in a row, it must be because we don’t appreciate him. I’ve been hanging out with friends more recently, and he suspects I’m seeing someone. I’m not. It hurts, because I’ve never given him any reason to think I sleep around.

The list goes on and on. I’m sorry for posting so much blather, I just really needed to get some of this off my chest. I feel useless and desperate, hating my life. So many years of up and down, joy and pain, has left me confused and conflicted. I love my family. I truly do. I just want to know how to heal the wounds. That’s all I want.